November 18, 2004

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  Came across a dilemma while I weighed the pros and cons of adopting the Monster last night. Obviously the pros are his gaining discipline, a better chance to realize his potential, and a much more positive environment. There are a bunch of cons. Probably the biggest one is that person glaring at me when I look in the shaving mirror.

  
  

  I'm not ready for a kid, and even if I were I work long hours. This is not something my parents would support and I really don't want them to help. At least not in the beginning because if the Monster took a swing at my dad I'd have to drag his little ass up to Wu Dan mountain and show him what I do to people who take swings at my dad. They're like cigarettes and salmon. I smoke 'em, bitch.

  
  

  The kid would say, "Ni zai zhang suh muh?" I'd slap him with Gallagher's mallet.

  
  

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  I'm not worried about him going after my mom. She's an expert at psychological warfare and will have anyone crying in seconds. It's trained me to neither cry nor feel affected by insults.

  
  

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  Check this out, though. The cons can be fixed. I'm moving out of Houston in a few months for two reasons. First being I absolutely hate it here. Second, I might run the San Francisco office or open another one in Los Angeles. I haven't decided, so nothing is firm tofu yet. I could always cash out and live comfortably for eighteen months to two years in San Francisco, trying my hand at writing screenplays and short stories while taking out my frustrations on the Monster.

  
  

  It's a big risk and I can't justify it by saying I'm young and have nothing to lose because in this case I would have a Monster. Everyone knows that is a big responsibility.

  
  

  I don't know what to do. I'll make up my mind after New Year's.

  
  

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  A cousin of mine told me about this place in Vancouver called Swedish Touch. It's a strip bar and, uh, 'pleasure house'. You know, where they touch you in your special place and then you touch them using your special place? Anyway, my eyes went all caucasian when he told me the stories about that place. It sounds too crazy to be true. And I'm not a big fan of crazy, especially if I need to pay for it.

  
  

  One part of his story kind of bothered me. Apparently he was in a threesome, got excited, and 'popped one in an eye by accident'. It was a guy's eye.

  
  

  If sweat gets in your eye it'll kinda burn. Imagine how the hell it feels to have something that comes from within a special place in your eye? That has got to burn like a bitch on fire.

  
  

  It's part of the reason I don't want to go to prison. I don't want my eyes to burn.

  
  

  I also don't want to get butt raped, but a cousin of mine didn't include anything on the subject in his story. Therefore I won't think about it.

  
  

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  Most people know I want multiple kids. Multiple meaning seven, a number that is good for putting one child on each continent. It's my mark on the world and I find it more charming than popping people in the eye on seven continents. I mean I've done that already and I'm still not very well known. It really is a disappointment.

  
  

  Anyway, although I do not believe a person can love all of his multiple children in an equal fashion, I do believe that he does genuinely love them all. My question is if you can love more than one parent, more than one child, more than one dog, more than one car, then why can't you have more than one significant other?

  
  

  My theory is whoever came up with this convention was either ugly, unsociable, or very poorly endowed. Most likely he, she, or they could not get laid because some stud muffins were getting all the sex. Hence, the creation of a social construction; you only get to choose one partner for the rest of your life.

  
  

  I guess what I'm trying to say is Mormons and other societies with concubines were rebels because they tried to break a social construction. I'm stupid, I know, so please stop pointing it out to yourself because it makes you look so stupid.

  
  

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  Another reason why I don't want to go to prison is because I hear the food sucks. Then again, I don't really talk to prisoners so maybe that is just a rumor to keep you out of prison. Because prison is actually a good place and I recommend you go there for your next vacation.

  
  

  It will be such a thrill.

  
  

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  Help me raise a kid in the proper American fasion. I mean fasshion. Fashyun. Argggghhhh!

  
  

  http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/?r=1167953

  
  

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  Bounny will be your concubine, but not for free. Get her a gift and she'll sing like a canary. Canaries sing, right?

  
  

  FREE IPOD

  
  

   

  
  

   

  • 3:02 pm
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