February 8, 2005


  • My intuition says that this is a popular song with the strippers.


    To posess diarrhea, drink three glasses of soy milk and chase with three glasses of orange juice.


    The sky opened up and Houston is raining cats and dogs. It can mean only one thing. Houston drivers just got worse. A fifteen minute commute extended an hour this evening. Just what I need on Chinese New Year's.


    Traffic in Houston is always bad. I don't think it's just because of an overflow of cars, though. Drivers' IQ's in Houston are dismal. Too many of these motherfuckers inadvertantly cut each other off. Using turn signals wouldn't help in most of these cases because no one looks behind them. And when Houstonians do use turn signals, usually it's the wrong way. As in they signal left and go right.

    Houstonians also do not know how to use stop signs. Most of the time, people here are afraid to take their right of way. It seems to stem from an inablitity to recognize a right of way. Cars on the right of an intersection get the right of way, meaning if no one is on the right corner of you, you should step on the accelerator.


    The local government doesn't help much. There was an initiative that allowed wreckers to pick up a car within five minutes of an accident or breakdown. I'm sure the average time it takes for most people to change a flat tire takes more than five minutes. So you can imagine the hawks wreckers have become on the freeway and the congestion they cause.

    Who was the idiot who thought this up?


    Ironically, I saw five stalled cars today. Seems to me all of these people ran out of gas. That should tell you how low the driving IQ is in Houston.

    How the fuck do you run out of gas in Texas?


    Dinner was at my uncle's house and I don't think I have ever felt more lonely. I miss my family and friends back in California. It's harder for me to make friends here in Houston because I work a lot. But the bigger reason is much sadder. People in Houston are different than me.

    Like, they're a lot dumber than me and I don't think they are worth my time. I'm not saying Houstonians aren't good people, because they are very decent. But they are so naive, self-centered, immature, and incapable of driving.


    By the way, I need to get this off of my chest. The rice rockets here look like crap. When I was at Import Showoff, a car with a faux carbon fiber hood that didn't match the rest of the car won a trophy. It had the worst sound system since the advent of AM radio and very little engine and aesthetic work. Basically it was an award winning green Civic with a faux carbon fiber hood.

    What's with this town?


    I guess I'm venting because there are so many liars in this city. Look, I know there are liars everywhere, but there seems to be more liars who lie about inconsenquential stuff than in L.A. That's just fucking sad.

    For example, upon hearing that I live in Royal Oaks (which is a nice, not grand, community), a potential business partner told me he lived in neighboring Shadow Lake. The houses in Shadow Lake are larger and less expensive, and he kept bragging about how he gets so much more space than me.

    Later, I learned he doesn't even live there. Why the fuck did he need to lie about THAT? I think he should have told me that he lives in one of those multi-million dollar estates in Memorial, the Bel-Air of Houston. Shadow fucking Lake? The Corona of Houston.

    Right now, I'm hoping he's drinking three glasses of soy milk following rat poison. Stupid fuck.

Comments (17)

  • looks like you like to butt pee.

  • where you from in california?  damn, i thought LA was filled with superficial asses. 

  • ahahha that looks like MY fridge toooo!!

    dude... diarrhea is cho not cool!

  • Another classic entry. I laugh now like this...HAHAHAhaahahAHAhAhAhA.

    I've probably spent about 2 years of my life in Texas (Dallas + Houston) due to work and to this day I am confused by the following scene:

    You drive down a long stretch of highway in Texas and it's STRAIGHT and FLAT and there are multiple accident sites marked by various crosses/flowers/marks along the side of the road. I guess people in TexHAUS drive with their eyes closed.

    On the other hand - Houston is the SILICONE capital of the U.S. No doubt.

  • Your intuition is right. I love that song.

    Thanks for the oj and soy milk tip.

  • tell those ppl to start drilling a hole on the ground for some gas to get things going

  • i've only met one or two straight up LIARS in my lifetime (thank goodness).  but upon learning the truth about them, i was shocked.  i can't believe some people would go so far as to make sh*t up from out of their asses just to further themselves in life.  i mean, seriously, if someone has to go so far as to lie about where they live, how sad is that?!  so i just pity them (which is the worst thing to feel for someone), but i figure they need it.  if they're that desperate to have to contrive stories about their lives, then they're either pathetic or deluding themselves.  either person could use the pity.  (sorry so harsh, but liars need to go.)

  • I could ramble and tell  you how we do our licensing in steps up here but I won't *wink*

    Its just to keep crazy teens from driving with tons of friends while partying.

    AND..I'm a procrastinator..Usually it takes a year.

    Happy day C

  • yup, can't avoid liars and posers anywhere.  on the flipside of it, you can look at the situation as if he felt you were important enough to impress?

    ps. just passing by. you are too funny.

  • whaaa???

    I DID NO SUCH THING!  >=(

  • When I said GOD in my post I meant it as something like: GOSH, or JEEZ. Get it?
    It's not my place to say that I'm disappointed in a certain person;
    cause shit, it's no ones place to say that.
    Or- it shouldn't be anyways

  • I've tried soy milk but it never caught on with me. I like orange juice though, and except for the carton with the blue cap, I also buy Tropicana Pure Premium with lots of pulp. My freezer is packed with Tropicana cartons of frozen water because I don't keep frozen foods.

    For optimal diarrhea replace the soy milk with whole milk. You're guaranteed to run better and the smell can't be beat.

  • Commute times multiply by four when it rains in Vegas too, as well as accidents.  Houstonians ... so what do you call a resident of Tokyo?

  • Houston?

    So I guess you guys out there have these non asian guys into the import scene and thinking that this wasn't asian trend that WE started, right?

  • texas spawned bush. it's not a mensa pool over there...must be all the hormone injected beef

  • that's a lot of juice. pulp-y.

    texas is a sad sad place to be. i think.

  • i was watching America's Dumbest Criminals and RealTV and all of that kind of crap ... and i noticed one day that a lot of these morons are from Texas.

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