December 2, 2005

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  Ahoy mateys!

  It’s been a crazy ass month. I got sick for the first time in years. It only took me two days to physically recover, but those two days had the two longest nights of my life. Coughing, barfing, hocking fat loogies, snot bubbles; I had everything.

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  I usually take the bus to job #1. The mornings are crowded, but I live a few blocks from the start of the line. Means I always get a seat.

  Anyway, half way through my trip the bus is full. This woman- late twenties, achingly stylish- gets on and her hands are full from what looks like her work bag and shopping bags. She’s headed towards me when the bus driver decides to floor it. She does that momentary loss of balance thing that all Muni riders love, but so does the guy behind her. He bumps into her and she is headed down the aisle. I catch her.

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  Aside from fucking a girl, catching her is the most chivalrous thing I can do. The second most chivalrous thing to do is give up my seat. So I do it. She sits, I stand, we chit chat. I get off the bus and feel a little bit better about myself.

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  I started saying this was a crazy ass month, but the day described above was pretty crazy. Crazy as in coincidental. Y’see, I was taking the bus home that evening. A chick was sitting next to me and we were both on the phone. She’s talking to a friend from what I gather and I pretend to talk/’click, click, click’ to the tribal chief of Uganda.

  She gets up just before her stop comes up. This time the bus driver decides to floor the brake pedal and she falls forward and then backward. I stick my arm out and stop her from falling and ask her if she’s okay. She gets all red from embarrassment, thanks me, and runs off of the bus.

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  I deserve a very good Christmas present.

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  • 2:15 pm
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