Sorry, my girlfriend has my camera because we took pictures while we porked in bed. By porked, I mean making ham sandwiches and pig feet.

Anyway, so I re-watched Lost in Translation the other day and realized why I like the movie so much more than, say, Garden State.

My problem with Garden State is that it pussies out at the end. After a bunch of bullshit about living his own life independently and such, Zach Braff gets off the plane to stay with a girl who wears a retard helmet. What the fuck? Can you say douche bag? Lost in Translation, on the other hand, sees Bill Murray leaving at the end. He says his goodbye and goes back home. Kinda like what Bogey would do.

Anyways, what I gathered from this and what I want you to gather from this is that Sofia Coppola has bigger balls than Zach Braff.

Way bigger.

Thanks to anybody that made it to Colma: the Musical. I truly hope you liked it and had fun. Anyways, they sold out a bunch of shows and have a second weekend in SF. They are also opening this weekend in Berekley, San Diego, and Atlanta. If you have a chance, please check it out. It’s a fun little movie.

It’s also an Asian American movie that doesn’t explicitly say anything about being Asian American. So don’t worry about relating or anything. Just bring money.

Okay, okay. I know it’s Natalie Portman in a retard helmet. But being pussy whupped still means you are a pussy. And I’ll say this now, a man should aim to be big fat hairy balls.

Look at me! I’m so manly I’m listening to vagina music!

Found these promos on YouTube, which is this site where you can watch Japanese people nibble on ears, dress up like power rangers, study farts, play tetris with humans, etc. etc. etc.

Please click here to enjoy the following things:

1. See a great movie set in the Bay Area.
2. Sit next to me.
3. Be dry humped into submission by me and my friends.
4. Hang out with us at Frisson afterwards.
5. Never see me again after tonight. Like Cinderella or something. Except I don’t wear glass slippers or talk to rats.

So I was picking my nose the other day and came across one of those boogers that is totally crispy dry but still connected to wet snot. I love those boogers. Yummy.

Do you ever get self conscious at the gym? I’ve noticed lately that a girl acts stranges around me. Like I think she thinks I stalk her or something. I’m not, it’s just that no matter what time I go to the gym, she’s one machine away from me. It’s totally not planned.

Our eyes kinda half met today and I kinda nodded at her while I was in mid rep. It wasn’t a ‘Hey’ nod, but a jesus christ my spleen is gonna burst nod. I think she took it for the former, though. And then, she kinda looks away real fast. At first I though my nads were hanging out of my shorts or something. I checked and didn’t see anything but my -admittedly- hairy yet sexy thighs.

But when I looked down, I swore I saw something dangling from my face. And that’s when I realized I had a fat booger hanging out of my nose.

From the movie Colma: the Musical.

Wow. I update for the first time in months and xanga crashes the next day. Lets see if I can do it two days in a row.

I am actually jealous that my friend’s movie is doing well. My goal back in college was to have his success right now. Except it wasn’t to make Asian American musicals. It was to make pornographic Asian American musicals. I think there is a niche market, and I seriously would like to tap it.

I saw this documentary on Ron Jeremy once. It turned me off to making porn because there is this scene where the camera operator has to ‘dolly up’ to an asshole. It’s like physically bringing the camera, and therefore your nose, up to an asshole. That, my friends, is absolutely disgusting. So the next time you are watching porn and they give you a gratuitous shot of anus, you know how they did it.

Perhaps I should teach a porn film appreciation class. I wonder if anyone would sign up.

The above picture is from the film Colma: The Musical. I’m the guy INSIDE the trunk. Otherwise, I had nothing to do with this fine film. Movie. Musical. Whatever you want to call it.

1. Yes, I fell off the face of the planet.
2. If you are in San Francisco this weekend, please see my friend’s movie. It’s really good. More info below.
3. I’ll even let you stay at my place if you come in from out of town just to see this movie.
4. By out of town, I mean farther than Sacramento.
5. You will get to sleep on my Heavenly Bed.
6. You will not be sleeping alone.
7. By not alone, I mean with me.
8. I sleep very very naked.
9. As does my pet iguana, Shaquita.
10. According to my girlfriend, Shaquita and I both fart in our sleep. Bring a mask.

Colma: The Musical Website

Playing at the Landmark Embarcadero this weekend. Cast and director Q&A at 7:00pm and 10:30pm screenings on Friday and Saturday. Afterparty on Friday night.
Showtimes