DAY ONE & TWO:::SEATTLE
Somewhere in Oregon.
Portland is so nice that I decided to pass it up at 80mph.
I can sleep while driving. It’s in my Asian driving genes.
Fish, chips, and chowder from Ivar’s in Seattle. The fish n’ chips weren’t all that.
The view from a bed 39 stories above the ground.
We could see lots of things from that height, including Washington’s favorite phallus.
Dinner at the Dahlia Lounge started with the seafood sampler. Pretty good, but nothing wow. Like my phallus.
Rack of lamb with cheddar cheese fritters and anchovy crusted broccoli. Really good.
Blurry picture of top notch belgian fries and sea bass.
We were making great time before we hit major traffic in the Mt. Shasta area. The snow was coming down hard. I was worried that I might need to put on chains but the four wheel drive handled it well.
Here’s a tip for people who have never put on chains. Don’t do that stupid thing where you lay them down and roll over them. Pull out your jack and lift the car up. It takes seconds and you won’t get aggravated by mud and snow quite as much. Also, if it’s snowing, chances are you don’t need them. It’s when shit ices over that you should put them on.
Take my word for it. It’s not like I want you to slide your car off of a cliff. Well, not that much.
After passing the shmucks putting on chains in the mountains, we stopped for the night in Eugene, Oregon. It’s the home of Nike, the UO Ducks, and really ugly people. I wear Nikes, almost went to UO, and am really ugly. So I fit in perfectly.
Kinky likes to wear shoes I can’t pronounce, draws a blank stare when hearing ‘UO’, and is cute as a button. Unless I find an ugly mate, I’m not moving to Eugene anytime soon.
Passing Portland the next morning was cake. No reason to stop in a city of roses during winter, right? Besides, I think I learned a lot about Portland while passing it. It’s a city of bridges, the Trailblazers, the aforementioned roses, and very polite drivers even when they get flicked off.
First thing we did in Seattle was get some grub. Ivar’s looked interesting. The seafood stand’s ordering system is absolutely abysmal, and if you know me then you know abysmal is my thing.
You have to shout your fish/seafood fry order when a guy points at you. He takes between a dozen and two million orders at one time and re-iterates your wants to Asian cooks. Then he refers to you by what you ordered and asks what the fuck do you want to drink. Actaully, he didn’t say fuck, but I know I would if I had that job.
There’s no way I would be able to keep that job for more than a month. Someone is bound to catch me and the cream for the chowder cauldrons in kama sutra positions.
Second thing we did was walk around. Seems like more than few Seattle-ites carry coffee around with them. The amazing thing about Seattle-ites besides their grungy clothes and displeasing aesthetics is how calm they are despite their caffeine fixes. I expected to see people running up and down the Space Needle in a coffee infused craze, but I was very disappointed.
The people really didn’t live up to any of my expectations. When I think of the northwest, I think of trees which leads me to conjure up an image of the Brawny paper towel guy. You know, that lumberjack? Anyway, why are guys in Seattle, for lack of better term, pussies? Their voices are high and they dress like fags. They walk all dainty, too.
I used to think the Brawny man dealt with obstacles and people he didn’t like by uprooting a thousand year old redwood and smashing them into smithereens. Now, I think he sips his coffee with his pinky up.
My room at the Westin was impressive. The grandiose view took me a good twenty minutes to survey. To my suprise, the furniture was as comfy as it looked good.
Westin rooms have Heavenly Baths and Beds. The bathroom looked pretty spartan but made up for itself with its twin shower heads. One head has a massage setting and the other is a spray/rainmaker. I probably took a half hour shower, which should make up for the twenty years since my last shower. Kidding.
I never take showers. It’s pointless. You’re going to get dirty anyway.
The Heavenly Bed was even better than the shower. I don’t think I’ve ever fell into as a deep a sleep as I did at the Westin. Kinky told me I actually snored, which only happens after I pull a few all nighters. But you know how you might get bed sores after sleeping for a long time? Yeah, well that shit didn’t happen to either of us. We might not have slept that long, but we didn’t move. I know because I actually held on to Kinky the whole night and woke up in the exact same position.
Dinner at the Dahlia Lounge was pretty good. I wanted to try it because I saw Dahlia Lounge’s Tom Douglas on Great Chefs of the World. I love that fucking show. The voice over lady is so proper and concise. Makes me think I can make that gourmet shit even though I know I can’t. She’s like a polite teaser.
In all honesty, Dahlia Lounge isn’t anything out of the ordinary, but everything is executed pretty well. At first I thought the service kind of sucked because our server was so impersonal. A few days later, I realized that’s just Seattle.
Kinky and I had some interesting discussions about our jobs and our futures. She’s thinking about grad school which is really cool. It means one of us will be qualified to make a commanding salary. I’m definitely not qualified to even be paid at McDonald’s, but I’m going to do my best to win the Lotto.
I’m also going to do my best to smash people into smithereens with a giant redwood tree. I drink my coffee with my pinky down, so it’s just a matter of time. Kind of like the Lotto.
Comments (18)
awwww! you were here in seattle and you didn’t tell me???
do people every trip when you bust a camera out when the food arrives?
who the hell is kinky? and how do I get me one of those?
henry has too many “kinky’s”….don’t tell him where to get another.
yes…i’ve had to resort to butt pills b/c you didn’t come visit. damn you.
The Westin is a great hotel. I stayed there when I was in Miami. It’s such a “get-me-laid” room. Of course the only action I got was from the shower head as well.
put up the picture of your gfs vagina before you ate it
SO….All the bloody way up to Canada and you don’t pop in and say hi?? you ass!!*wink*
Thnx for the pics….some were stunning!
Happy New Years Kiddo and THNX for the wise advice….lol
~S~
nice pics.. except of you driving…
i stayed at the westin st francis over new years. the beds and showers were indeed quite nice. Ivar.. haha ive always eaten there when on the Pier. nice pics. im hungry now. damn it.
i was there last year, while stopping through on my way to canada. it’s beautiful, isn’t it? cold, but still nice. i think i was in seattle the one day it wasn’t raining. sounds like you guys had a great time. traveling is definitely the way to bond, and it seems like you guys really did. =)
thank you for your kind wishes. nice pics.
I like that oregon picture. very sparse. nice place to dump a body. or read a book.
haha I can see a little tuft of hair on that picture of you driving. >_< What’s that, glasses? Nerd. oh la la food. man now I’m even more hungry.
Good point. I don’t take showers either. I’m not all about water conservation, but spending more time with my favorite shirt.
aww you were in seattle… too bad i couldnt be there to take you out cuhrubbin!
hahahaha
looks like you ate well… very very well in fact. best i had over the break was something like those fish and chips.
mail me back some real fish and chips when you’re in london, boyo!
cheers.
I never understood why they called it “fish n chips” when there are no chips involved. Hope you had a good holiday, Happy New Year to you too
thanks for noticing.
You should teach a class on writing blog entries that fall into the category of “What I did today”. If I read one more boring ass blog entry about “i bought a new motorcycle. i am cool. here is a picture.” or “why doesn’t wayne like me -_-! i don’t get boys, they are so complicated!” or “:P:!:!P:!P:!PP:P!:PPP!:!P” I am seriously going to puke.
Well-written. Important points highlighted. Simple, yet interesting. Pictures are a great touch. AND BEST OF ALL, NO FUCKIN ANNOYING BACKGROUND/TEMPLATE that makes trying to distinguish stupid smiley faces from a BRIGHT orange background a lesson in FUTILITY!
Happy New Year – you deserve it!
About your driving pic… what happened to the afro, Bruce Lee sunglasses, fu manchu moustache, and cigar? Post some pics of Kinky. I want a Kinky. No, two orders of Kinky.