January 20, 2005

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  It’s not a fish tank, it’s a fish box. With rails, you dummy.

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  Hi boys and girls. Do you have any idea what Mr. Cypherningya has been doing lately? No, it’s not your mother. He has a big project, a project bigger than your mother.

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  On Sunday, I will not be able to watch the NFL Playoffs. Instead of watching grown men run into each other because of an oddly shaped ball, I will be shooting an explosion. To protect my camera, I have been building a blast box.

  I will not be able to share any footage because of a NDA. If you don’t know what an NDA is, you don’t need to know. But I will let you know if I lose a finger or, you know, my life.

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  In all honesty, I don’t really know what a blast box should be or how to make one. So my cousin and I guessed that it should be built out of Lexan. Also, it being a box, it should be in the shape of a box.

  The camera also needs to attach directly to the box. Because if the fucker rolls around, the camera will stay on one edge. Some padding would be needed for shock absorption. Weather stripping should grace the corners in an effort to keep moisture and dust out.

  Doesn’t seem like much, right? Well, it’s really not much, but simplicity doesn’t stop my cousin and I from fooling around and being general dolts. It took us a good two days to figure out what the box needed and how we should put it together.

  In a way, this box is two days worth of our brains. And I’m sad to say that it’s sobering to know that such a simple device is all we can manage in two days.

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  When I saw the price of Lexan, my penis shriveled like someone dumped ice water on my crotch. Being the frugal man that I am, I went with cheaper plexi-glass. I did manage to make sure that the plexi-glass would protect my camera by hammering a whole sheet of it. I also threw it on the floor and gave it the People’s Elbow. The Home Depot guy asked me to stop when he found out I was going to pee and poo on it.

  I put that fucked up sheet back on the shelf and grabbed a nice un-scuffed piece. Suckers.

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  Back at our shop, we decide to put the plexi through more tests. Actually, it was just one test; a .22 caliber bullet.

  It kinda worked. Only part that sucked is no one got popped in the nuts.

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  Anyway, I’ll post pictures of the finished product later. I think I’ll use this space to tell you that I am going to France and Greece in May. I’m not sure what the rest of you are doing in May, but I think it’ll be pretty stupid compared to what I’ll be doing.

  Hate me all you want. I’ll just throw a semi bullet proof box at you in retaliation.

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  • 11:09 pm
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